David LeeDavid Lee is the founder of Human Nature At Work. He is an internationally recognized authority on organizational and managerial practices that optimize employee performance. He is the author of Managing Employee Stress and Safety, as well as dozens of articles on employee and organizational performance that have been published in trade journals and books in North America, Asia, Europe, and Australia. He has held positions as a clinician and trainer in the healthcare field and as a supervisor and trainer in the corporate world.
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Constructive Feedback: What To Do When...
Jun 26, 2008 07:02 PM
Categories: Management
...Your Employee Disagrees With Your Feedback
This week I did two seminars on giving constructive feedback and was reminded again, by the issues brought up by seminar participants, how challenging it is to give feedback in a way that:
- minimizes the odds the other person will get defensive.
- provides the person with clear, actionable info (i.e. they know what it is you don't want and what specifically you want them to do differently)
- makes it safe for the other person to speak honestly and openly about their point of view
1.If you get the feeling that they don�t agree with your feedback or they appear to be getting upset, but they�re not saying anything, invite them to talk:
Example: �Claire, I get the feeling* that you disagree with what I�m saying. Can you tell me what you�re thinking?
2.Don�t simply amp up your argument and try to convince them through brute force. Ask them questions; find out why they perceive the situation the way they do.
Example: �So, you feel like you�re handling the account as good as is possible. Can you say more about that?
3.Give them the chance to talk. If they�re upset, give them some time to vent. If they�re really emotional, they won�t be able to take in what you�re saying or think rationally.
4.Paraphrase your understanding of what their perception is, so they know you �get it� or� if you discover that you didn�t �get it�, they can help you understand what they were saying.
Examples:
�Cal, I want to make sure I get your take on this� you feel my take on this whole initiative thing we�ve been talking about is wrong� you feel like you do show initiative, do next steps without having to be told, go the extra mile, etc��
�Roger, it sounds like what you�re saying is that you thought ___ was a priority rather than ___ which I thought I had communicated.�
5.Acknowledge their position or point of view:
Examples:
�I know you see it very differently.�
(If, after discussing the situation, they still disagree with your perception) �I know there probably isn�t anything I can say at this point that will change your mind.�
In the next issue, we'll discuss 4 more tips.
Click here if you want information about the seminar or the recordings and workbook of the Constructive Feedback: How to Give It So They Want to Hear It and Use It seminar. The page will bring you to the workshop description and near the end is where you can order the recordings and workbook.
This week I did two seminars on giving constructive feedback and was reminded again, by the issues brought up by seminar participants, how challenging it is to give feedback in a way that:
- minimizes the odds the other person will get defensive.
- provides the person with clear, actionable info (i.e. they know what it is you don't want and what specifically you want them to do differently)
- makes it safe for the other person to speak honestly and openly about their point of view
Here are Five Things You Can Do to Turn It Around If the Other Person Disagrees
1.If you get the feeling that they don�t agree with your feedback or they appear to be getting upset, but they�re not saying anything, invite them to talk:
Example: �Claire, I get the feeling* that you disagree with what I�m saying. Can you tell me what you�re thinking?
2.Don�t simply amp up your argument and try to convince them through brute force. Ask them questions; find out why they perceive the situation the way they do.
Example: �So, you feel like you�re handling the account as good as is possible. Can you say more about that?
3.Give them the chance to talk. If they�re upset, give them some time to vent. If they�re really emotional, they won�t be able to take in what you�re saying or think rationally.
4.Paraphrase your understanding of what their perception is, so they know you �get it� or� if you discover that you didn�t �get it�, they can help you understand what they were saying.
Examples:
�Cal, I want to make sure I get your take on this� you feel my take on this whole initiative thing we�ve been talking about is wrong� you feel like you do show initiative, do next steps without having to be told, go the extra mile, etc��
�Roger, it sounds like what you�re saying is that you thought ___ was a priority rather than ___ which I thought I had communicated.�
5.Acknowledge their position or point of view:
Examples:
�I know you see it very differently.�
(If, after discussing the situation, they still disagree with your perception) �I know there probably isn�t anything I can say at this point that will change your mind.�
In the next issue, we'll discuss 4 more tips.
Click here if you want information about the seminar or the recordings and workbook of the Constructive Feedback: How to Give It So They Want to Hear It and Use It seminar. The page will bring you to the workshop description and near the end is where you can order the recordings and workbook.
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